JoElle P.
Home group: 12 Steps and 12 Traditions Book Study at University United Methodist Church in East Lansing 6 pm Monday.
Sobriety date: January 23, 2023.
Let’s begin with what you were like before you started to get sober.
JoElle: I struggled in school to make friends and I never really felt like I fit in. As I got older, some friends in high school were drinking and using drugs. I hung out with them and decided that I was going to try it, too. I felt like I finally fit in and found the answer to life. I would frequently sneak out or lie about where I was going to keep doing this solution I had found. My mom was fed up with me. At one point she told me that I couldn’t live there anymore. So I temporarily went to live with my friends, got to do what I wanted, but it didn’t work. Eventually my Mom told me if I could just get through graduation, I could do what I wanted.
The day of my graduation, I went out immediately and didn’t come home for two days. That was the start of what I felt like was freedom. I finally didn’t have to answer to my mom.
Eventually, I ended up in a group that was at MSU. They drank the way I drank. It felt normal, but I would drive sometimes, and I ended up with an OWI when I was 20.
That’s how I first got introduced to A.A. 14 years ago, through probation. I got in trouble a couple times while on probation, to the point where I was like, all right, I really need to stop. I was going to meetings. I had a sponsor, but when I got off probation, it didn’t have a firm enough grip on me. My sponsor didn’t call me back one time when I called. That was enough for me to go back out.
That continued on until I was 26. I was going to MSU and I barely made it through my graduation. I went to detox right afterwards, literally, two days later. Then I came back in for the first time to A.A. by my own choice. But I still wasn’t ready to fully give myself to the program and the suggestions of a sponsor.
I ended up getting pregnant and into a new relationship early on in recovery. He was in recovery as well. But I didn’t have my own foundation. I ended up relapsing again on and off. Then COVID hit and I ended up relapsing during COVID as well.
I’ve had a lot of different bottoms. This last bottom was more of a mental one. I wasn’t happy with myself. My son’s dad and I had split up, so I had my son half the time, and when I didn’t have him, I either drank or I was just completely miserable. I just couldn’t keep living that way. So I decided it was time to come back in.
For whatever reason, it finally started to click with me when I started working with my sponsor now. This is the first time I worked the Steps all the way through with one sponsor, and I feel like I did it to the best of my ability and was as rigorously honest as I could be. I also make sure to continue to stay current and honest with my sponsor through a regular 10th step. These things changed my whole life. Something one of my sponsee sisters says that I love is, ‘self-esteem comes from esteemable acts.’ It’s like I’m acting my way into right thinking. I’m not thinking my way into the right actions. I have to do the right thing, even when my brain’s telling me that I don’t want to. But I learned that through doing the Steps and taking suggestions, and eventually my brain is a little bit more in tune with my actions.
How would you say AA has helped you achieve your sobriety?
JoElle: I think the meetings are 100% important but not the program of recovery (the program of recovery is the steps with a sponsor). It helps me relate to people and realize that I’m not alone. Other people have different stories and I don’t have to have every single situation happen to me for me to come into these rooms. Everyone has a variety of different experiences, but we’re all similar in the way we have approached life. I used to see all the differences between me and people in the rooms, but now I focus on the similarities.
The other main thing that I’ve learned is the gift of service. I do the jail meetings once a month. I sponsor people. I have a service position in my home group. and I am involved in LAYPAA (Lansing Area Young People in Alcoholics Anonymous), which is a means of service work as well.
I can’t keep it without giving it away. And when all else fails, it is extensive work with another alcoholic that saves the day every time. That’s what my sponsor continuously reminds me when I get caught up in my own stuff. I think that’s just so important. It’s how we carry the message and how we maintain long-term sobriety.