Joanne M.
Sobriety date: May 30, 1986.
Home groups: Dimondale Group, 7 p.m. Mondays, and Clean Air, 7 p.m. Wednesdays, First Presbyterian Church, 162 Bridge St., Dimondale.
What was life like for you before you came to AA?
Joanne: Like many people in AA, I had a very difficult childhood growing up in a very dysfunctional family. I had a brother that was older that eventually died from this disease, and he was constantly in trouble. He really never made it in his life. There was a lot of police, and yelling and screaming, and threatening, and all that.
I developed depression. I didn’t start drinking until I was 18. I became a social drinker, but the depression and the drinking went hand in hand, the more I got depressed, the more I drank. I was a periodic binge drinker. I had my first psychiatric hospitalization in 1971, which was to be the first of many. Nobody ever asked if I had a problem with alcohol. I think my depression showed up more than the drinking. I was very quiet about it. It didn’t show as much as it would for other people in my family that drink every day and were down and out. I was down and out in my own way, so I struggled in those years.
I was able to function as a music teacher, a musician, and a nurse’s aide in between times, but always ended up back in a hospital. I had a couple of very serious attempts at my life, and alcohol and drugs were always involved.
Along the way, there were people that carried me, and I was grateful for that. People that said things like, “God has a purpose for your life.” I think when I heard that, I really hung onto it and didn’t know why. There was no reason to go on, but always a reason to drink and drink more, to isolate, to be destructive. I never thought I’d hurt anybody, my family or anybody like that. I thought I was only hurting myself, and that was okay.
I always had a food addiction, and I went to Overeaters Anonymous first. I learned the 12 Steps. I was very successful in the program, whatever that means. I had a sponsor. She taught me all the Steps, and we did all the Steps. I really had good training for AA, but I wasn’t an alcoholic.
A couple years later, I went to an outpatient program for families of alcoholics because I could point fingers at everybody in my family, but I couldn’t point it at myself. It was there that I learned I was an alcoholic. We had to go to AA meetings, and it took me a while to admit that I was an alcoholic. I had to sign a pledge saying I wouldn’t drink while I was in the program, and I thought that was hilarious, but I stuck to it. I actually did my second Fourth Step in that program with a counselor that I really didn’t like, but it was amazing. When I did that Fourth and Fifth Step with her, I finally felt like I walked on even ground.
I came to AA in Rochester, New York. It’s a bigger city, more meetings. I went to all kinds of meetings, but especially women’s meetings, got great sponsors. We’d go out to lunch after a noon meeting. We’d go out for coffee after an evening meeting. We were a very tight bunch, and I learned so much from those ladies.
The long version of the Serenity prayer says that we may be reasonably happy in this life. When I was drinking, that’s all I was really seeking, was to be reasonably happy. And I found that reasonable happiness, and peace, and everything I’ve ever been searching for when I got sober. So I continue to work the program. My life got a hell of a lot better. There were no psychiatric visits after that. By the grace of God, I’ve stayed sober for 40 years.
I had always had dreams in my life, but alcohol didn’t make them possible. After I was about four or five years sober, I wanted to go to college and I had the opportunity. I studied music therapy. There aren’t that many colleges that offer it, so I had to go to a place up near New York City to go to school, but I was grounded in my sobriety. The first thing I did was I went to an AA meeting, and I found a sponsor in town and got phone numbers. They said, “You’re gonna make coffee,” and I thought, “Oh, man,” but I learned to meet everybody “I continue, in my retirement years, to be a church organist, and I work at assisted living. I’m not ready to stop, even though I’m in my retirement.” that way. It was wonderful.
Eventually, I did things in my sobriety that I never thought would be possible — wonderful, amazing things, one miracle after another, like getting my degree.
I had to come to Michigan to get my master’s degree so I could work in New York state. In 2003, I moved to East Lansing. I love the East Lansing meetings. They were wonderful.
I had been single all my life, never knew if having a relationship was possible because I never got into them when I was drinking. Right before the end of my degree, I met Mark, who eventually became my husband, and he’s in the program, too. I think my higher power arranged it for me to come to Michigan to meet Mark.
Life has been good. I have been involved in several areas of service in my sobriety, a lot in New York state, like jail meetings and going to GR meetings and things like that. Sponsoring is a challenge for me, but I do go to meetings, I do share. I do help when I’m able to, because I’ve been given so much, I need to give it back. I often have to slap myself, because I can’t believe You mentioned that you specialized in music and music therapy. Do you play an instrument? Which one? Joanne: I play organ, piano, guitar, percussion, and voice. We had to learn percussion, and we had to take voice when I was in school. I did become a music therapist. I’m also a church organist, and I continue, in my retirement years, to be a church organist, and I work at assisted living. I’m not ready to stop, even though I’m in my retirement. I worked in a psychiatric hospital in Rochester, and I worked on the chemical dependency unit, too. So we did music therapy with people in chemical dependency. A lot of it was lyric analysis, where we would listen to songs and then talk about what the meaning might be, what the words might be saying to them.
So, if you were analyzing the lyrics, what’s the song that seemed to resonate with alcoholics the most?
Joanne: I’m old, so this was back in the ’90s, “Man in the Mirror,” by Michael Jackson.
What are your service activities in AA now?
Joanne: I consider the principles, practicing what we’ve learned in all of our affairs, reaching out our hand. It seems like, in the rooms, I’m there, I’m available for people. I do talk with them on the phone. If people ask me to sponsor them, I say, “Let’s try a temporary sponsorship, see if it works.” And I’ll tell you, nine times out of 10, it doesn’t. They’re gone, you know, so I’ve had a hard time sponsoring people. I used to sponsor girls in the Glass House. Often, they were there to get their paper signed or get rides somewhere, and then they’d leave the program. They weren’t able to be serious about their recovery at that time.
Like I said, I give out my phone number, and I say, “Call me, and we can talk about sponsorship.” I need to know somebody’s serious.
So you’ve been sober a long time now, 40 years as of the end of May. Why do you stay active?
Joanne: Because my life is so full, and I’m so blessed and I just see so many people out there suffering. If I can do anything, and my higher power points me in the direction, hopefully, I’ll do it, and, you know, reach out in whatever way needs to be done.